It is probably safe to say that every American has been impacted in some way by the current social distancing imposed on us as a result of the current COVID-19 pandemic. However there is a percentage of the population who are being placed in a situation that puts relationships to the test: couples who cohabit and must work from home. Having time and space apart throughout days/weeks was once a privilege that couples do not currently have the luxury of maintaining. Some couples count on the balance of together time and time away to focus on individual roles/responsibilities to help maintain relationships but now couples are faced with the new challenge of assimilating into a new way of living and working together for the foreseeable future.
So how can couples navigate this challenge in ways that promote an increase in connection and relationship satisfaction instead of experiencing tension, disconnection, and dissatisfaction?
Communicate. Open, honest, and direct communication are vital elements for couples to incorporate into their daily interactions. Because we are currently experiencing a change in the ways we have been accustomed to doing things prior to social distancing, we have to be clear with ourselves and our partners about what we feel and what we need each day so that it aligns with the present circumstances.
Create a daily ritual. Couples can create daily rituals that involve checking in with one another. Each partner completes the phrases “today I feel…” and “today I need…” Although we may think and feel that our partner should know these things without saying them, we are not mind-readers and we can only help ourselves and our partners by sharing our emotional experiences and needs. This process promotes empathy, understanding, and builds emotional intimacy within a relationship.
Establish boundaries. Couples should have ongoing conversations about expectations of roles and responsibilities within the household and external factors involving work. Now that couples are being asked to work from home for time being, it is imperative for each partner to reassess expectations they have within the relationship so that they are realistic and supportive of this new dynamic. So how can couples separate work from couple/family time?
Create some form of structure/schedule (i.e., setting specific work hours and days). For some of us prior to social distancing, starting and ending a work day meant arriving to and leaving the office however since the office is also our home, it is key to being accountable with starting up and ending work for the day. Try setting an alarm or other cue that may make follow through easier.
If children are at home as well, develop a co-parenting plan that identifies which partner is responsible for the children during specific times.
Develop a plan for transitioning between work and spending time together as a couple/family. Scheduling in meals or exercise together around work can be a great way to organize the day and can break up the monotony of social distancing.
If possible, create and establish a separate physical space that is specific for work activities. Leaving work-related items in an area that can be apart from the rest of the living space will help promote work/life balance.
Schedule both couple/family time and individual time apart. Social distancing limits the ways we typically connect with friends and family and leaves us with an exorbitant amount of time with the people we live with. This has benefits and consequences to our close and intimate relationships and in order for us to come out on top, we must find a balance in nurturing our time with our partners with our much needed alone time.
Come up with some creative ways to date at home a couple of times a week (cook together, play games, art, movies, go for walk/run, bike ride, etc).
Agree on time to spend apart (even within the same house!) a couple of times a week.
The same rule goes for if children are in the picture. Set aside time to spend as a family together as well as one-on-one time with a parent and child and then switch
Practice patience, compassion, and flexibility. We are treading through unchartered territory with the current pandemic and the future is unknown. These times are not typical and therefore requires us to be open and flexible so that we can assimilate to the constantly changing circumstances. It is imperative to remember that we are all doing the best that we can with what we know (and don’t know). Be kind to yourself and your partner and know that we are all in this together.