How To Talk To Yourself To Get What You Want Out Of Life

Do you ever find yourself engaging in a running dialogue in your head?  Maybe you are thinking about what you need to get done or are focusing on something you experienced from the past and are attaching some form of opinion about these thoughts.  Have you ever noticed whether this dialogue tends to take a positive or negative form?  It can be beneficial to stop and reflect on the type of self-talk dialogue that takes place in your head since it has the power to influence your experiences.  Our conscious thoughts direct us to feel certain emotions, which in turn promotes specific behavior and habits and is the process that makes up our experiences. Our conscious thoughts also influence our subconscious mind by giving it directives to follow through on so that these thoughts become a reality.   Our subconscious is consistently working all day everyday, even when we are not aware of it, which is reason enough to use our conscious thoughts to our advantage.

Along these lines, the way we think about ourselves will determine our ability to achieve certain goals and create our experiences.  For example, if an individual engages in negative self-talk by thinking “I will never get a promotion at work”, the individual will likely experience feelings and make decisions that make this thought become a reality since the conscious mind is reinforcing this negative thought to the subconscious mind.  Likewise, if an individual tells him or herself “I deserve a promotion because of the quality of my work”, this individual will likely feel positive about who he or she is and will behave in ways that are consistent with this type of self-talk and will therefore increase the potential of receiving a promotion.  Therefore, try asking yourself whether your beliefs are helping or hurting you in getting what you want. 

The lesson here is that in order to change your life and create what you want out of it, you need to start by changing your thoughts and how you talk to yourself.   Take some time to create some powerful mantras or positive affirmations that you can memorize or post in places you frequently visit (like your bathroom mirror, refrigerator, or the rearview mirror in your car) to begin to direct your thoughts.  Some examples are: “I am skillful and qualified”, “happiness is a choice I can choose”, “my health is important”, etc. Repetition of these self-talk statements is key to ensuring that change in your thought process, feelings, and experiences takes place.  So go ahead and start talking to yourself in a positive, compassionate, and goal-oriented manner and see how your life can transform.

~Cory Stege, M.S., LMFT